英語的笑話（匯總15篇）
英語的笑話1
Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him -- his height. or, should I say, his lack of it.One day, he stormed through the door and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!" Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except for the one who blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?"
我們的餐廳經理是一位深受大家愛戴，和藹而又快樂的人。但在他面前有一件事不能提--他的身高�；蛘�，我應該說，他是有點矮!一天，經理怒氣沖沖地撞門而入，高聲說，“有人拿了我的錢包!”
我和其她大部女招待都沒敢吱聲，但有人卻蹦出一句話：“哪有人能彎腰彎那么低的`啊”!
英語的笑話2
Can his football come out to play
George knocked on the door of his friend's house. When his friend's mother answered he asked, "Can Albert come out to play?"
"No," said the mother, "It's too cold."
"Well, then," said George, "Can his football come out to play?"
英語的笑話3
At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage.
在一場世界最佳擊劍手表演中，排名第三的擊劍手上場了。
A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half.
一只蒼蠅放了出來，劍劃了一個弧，他將蒼蠅劈成了兩半。
The crowd cheered.
觀眾歡呼起來。
Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters.
緊接著排名第二的人將一只蒼蠅切成了四半。
A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.
現場一陣沉默，人們期盼著世界上最偉大的擊劍手出場。
His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast.
他的劍鋒以一個巨大的弧線劃了下來--然而那只昆蟲還在繼續(xù)飛行!觀眾被驚呆了。
The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely,
觀眾被驚呆了。最偉大的`擊劍手完全錯過了他的目標，
yet he continued to smile.
然而他還在微笑著。
"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled.
“你為什么這么高興?”有人嚷道，
"You missed!"
“你沒擊中!”
"Ah," replied the swordsman,
“啊，”劍手答道，
"you weren't watching very carefully.
“你剛才沒有很仔細地看。
They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father.
蒼蠅還活著，是的--但他永遠也做不成爸爸了。
英語的笑話4
A foreign visitor touring the great American West came across an Indian with his ear pressed tothe ground. 一位外國游客到美國大西部游覽，碰到一個印第安人把耳朵緊貼在地上。
"What are you listening for?" heasked. "你在聽什么呢?"他詢問道。
“為了向你表示謝意，我送你一只龍蝦�！闭f著他便給老板一只活蹦亂跳的大龍蝦。
"Well, that's very kind of you. My wife and I will have it for dinner. " “您真好，我太太和我將以它當晚餐。”
"Oh, he's already had dinner. But I am sure he'd love to take in a movie. " “喔，它已經吃過晚餐了，但我想它會喜歡看場電影�！�
英語的笑話5
there was a cave full of lots of vampire bats. once, a bat called andy came home late and there was of blood all over his body. all of his friends and family asked him where the blood came from, and asked him to take place. he didnt want to tell them at first, but after a while, he said follow me, folks. then they flew over a valley, crossed a river, and stopped in front of a stone. andy asked do you guys see that tree? and his friends all answered yes and then andy said i didnt.
英語的笑話6
從事教學生涯已20余年, 光陰荏苒,驀然回首,回味起來真是感慨萬千!有成功喜悅時,也有索然無味時。走過的腳印彎彎曲曲、深深淺淺……每當提到課堂教學這一環(huán)節(jié)時:我總是積極全身心地投身于融洽的教學環(huán)境中,與學生們互動起來,進行心與心的交流。并且在教學中我經常采用恰當的幽默使學生對一堂課回味無窮……這樣日積月累不斷的觀察總結，發(fā)現:孩子們對知識的掌握更加牢固了,并且越來越喜歡這門學科了,真是起到了事半功倍的效果,并且教學效果非常顯著。
在教顏色和星期兩大類詞匯后,為了加強學生對他們的`記憶,我給學生講了一則有關”阿凡提染布”的幽默故事:一天，一個叫巴依的財主帶著一塊布讓阿凡提染色,由于巴依對阿凡提的智慧妒忌已久,想刁難阿凡提,就說:”你把我的布染成這種’顏色’,這種顏色不是red,也不是white ;不是black, 也不是brown; 不是blue , 也不是green; 不是orange也不是yellow”即不是任何顏色。但聰明的阿凡提很快就答應，并告訴了巴依：“你就等‘那一天’來取布吧，那一天不是Sunday, 也不是Monday, 不是Tuesday 也不是Wednesday, 不是Thursday也不是Friday 和 Saturday。學生們聽完這個故事笑了。他們在笑聲中學會阿凡提智慧的同時，自然也加深了對這類詞匯的深刻理解和記憶。
記得我曾讓初一的學生用look after(照顧)，put on(穿上 )等詞組造句，有的學生造出了這樣的句子：IlookTVafterschool.I
Putmybookonthedesk。他們的主要錯誤就是沒有整體理解詞組的意思，而是把詞組中的一個個單詞放在句中造句。針對這一錯誤，我就把我曾看過的一個幽默講給他們聽。老師要學生用“如果“天真”“十分”“從容”造句，結果一個學生這樣寫道：“汽水不如果汁營養(yǎng)豐富�！蓖瑢W們聽后都笑了。
在這學期剛接手六年級（3）班的英語課時，他們的英語基礎很差，每天批改作業(yè)有一半同學不按規(guī)則去認真書寫，甚至有個別學生由三十幾個字母連成一片組成一個單詞，最困難的是：他們把握不住詞與詞之間的距離。面對這種情況我給學生講了這樣一個小笑話：一次分發(fā)考卷時，老師連喊“朱肚皮”都無人回應，發(fā)到最后一張試卷。老師問：“誰沒有拿到試卷”，只有一個女生站起來�！澳憬惺裁疵郑俊薄爸煸缕隆�。學生笑得前俯后仰，他們很清楚“朱月坡”成了“朱肚皮”的原因，所以在這一段時間學生寫句子前,我只要開玩笑說:不要成了"朱肚皮”學生就知道我在強調什么。
“教學有法,教無定法”。在新課改的今天,如何讓我們的學生愉快的學習,把平常的一些笑話與某個教學內容和目標結合,即可活躍課堂氣氛,也可加深學生對某個知識點的印象和理解,還能讓學生有更多的興趣去期待我們的課,善待我們這一科。以上是我在實際教學中的一些嘗試,懇請諸位同仁們提出中肯的建議。
英語的笑話7
借公牛一用
Once upon a time, there lived a rich man, but he didn't know any words.
One day, one of his friends wanted to borrow an ox from him, so he wrote a note and asked his servant to take it to this rich man.
After the servant gave the note to the rich man, he pretended to be reading it and after a while, he said, "OK, I know. Go and tell your master, I'll go myself shortly.
從前，有個人很富有，但他不識字。
一天，他的一位朋友想向他借一頭公牛，便寫了個條，讓仆人送到富人那里。 仆人把條子給了富人。富人便假裝看了一會兒，然后說道：“好啦，我知道了。回去告訴你的主人，我馬上自己過去。”
英語的`笑話8
你說什么?
Moe, Larry and Curly had been stranded on a desert island. They were walking alongdisconsolately when Moe happened to kick a bottle lying in the sand. The bottle broke and agenie suddenly emerged before them.
莫伊、賴利和卷毛因船觸礁擱淺而被困在一個無人荒島上，他們寂寞無助地沿岸邊走著，這時莫伊踢到沙灘上一只瓶子，那只瓶子破了后，突然出現一個精靈。
"Thank you. oh Masters, for releasing me from my captivity. For your kindness, please allow meto grant you each a wish. "
“謝謝你們從囚禁我的瓶子中把我放出來，我的主人。為了報答你們的`恩惠，請讓我為每位實現一個愿望�！�
"Well, it's not too difficult to figure out what I want," said Moe. "I wish I were back home. "
“哦，我的愿望很容易想出來，”莫伊說。“我希望我能回到家里�！�
No sooner had he said the words than he was back in dear old Brooklyn.
話一說完，莫伊就已在他可愛的布魯克林老家中。
"I want to be back home, too," said I Larry, and he, too, was instantly transported.
“我也想回家，”賴利說，他馬上也就被送走了。
" Gee, it's alone some here without Moe and Larry," said Curly. "I wish they were here to keepme company. "
“唉，沒有莫伊和賴利，一個人在這里真無聊，”卷毛說。“我希望他們能回到這里陪伴我。”
英語的笑話9
Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger.
Will said, "Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father's the one who dug the hole for it."
Bill wasn't impressed, "Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father's the one who killed it!"
維爾和比爾在爭吵，誰的爸爸是更強壯的一個。維爾說：“你知道太平洋嗎?那個坑是我爸爸挖的�！�
比爾不屑地說：“那沒什么。你知道死海嗎? 那是我爸爸打死的.�！�
英語的笑話10
又要結婚了
"So you want another day off,”snorted the teacher to his student，Tom.“I am anxious to hear what excuse you have this time. You have been off for your grandfather's funeral four times already.”
“這么說，你又要請一天假，”老師怒氣沖沖地對他的學生湯姆說，“我倒想知道你這次找什么借口。你已經請了四次假說去參加你爺爺的葬禮�！�
Tom replied，"Today my grandma is getting married again.”
湯姆回答說:“今天是我奶奶再次舉行婚禮�！�
英語的`笑話11
jump up and down
Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?
Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.
媽媽：你為什么不停地跳上跳下的?
湯姆：我剛吃完藥，可我忘了先搖動瓶子了
英語的笑話12
While shopping for my first CD player, I was able to decipher most of the technicalese on the promotional signs. One designation had me puzzled, though, so I called over a salesperson and asked, What does 'hybrid pulse D/A converter' mean?That means, she said, that this machine will read the digital information that is encoded on CDs and convert it into an audio signal - that is, into music.In other words this CD player plays CDs.Exactly.
在購買我的第一部CD唱機時，我能夠解讀推銷標記上面的`大多數技術語言。但是有一個標示卻讓我頗為迷惑，于是我叫過銷售商，問道：‘混合脈沖D/A變換器’是什么意思?它的意思是，她說，這個機器能夠讀CD碟上加碼的數字信息，將它轉換成聲音信息-也就是說，轉換成音樂。換句話說，這個CD唱機能夠播放CD碟。正是如此。
英語的笑話13
Justice Is The Winner(正義必勝)
by Cecilia Liu 劉怡芬
5人短劇。搞笑的匪徒,搞笑的`綁架案，不錯的劇本。
人物
Bunny Cheng: Bunny Chen
Eliza Lin: Daughter
Celine Tu: Reporter et Aside
Sano Hsieh: Small gangster(小流氓)
Trent Cheng: Big gangster(大流氓)
SCENE I
A mother is doing exercise in the living room when the phone is ringing. And her daughter is in the school now.
Mom: Hello~
Caller: (A boy is crying.) Ha! Your kid is here. Do you hear his voice? If you want to save your kid, prepare the ransom.
Mom: Are you crazy? I don’t have a son!!! Don’t try to cheat me. Stupid guy!
The mother is very angry and hung up the phone. But later… the phone is ringing again…
Mom: Hello~
Caller: Hello~ Are you busy now?
Mom: (I recognize the voice.) You are a fraud, right? Do you want to trick me again? Is it fun? Don’t do such a boring thing, O.K.? I won’t believe you.
Caller: Really? Listen to this.(A girl is crying on the phone, ”mom, help me~ help me~)
Mom: Oh~ you are a good actor. This time is better but I still won’t fall into your trap to rob me of my money! If you call again, I will call the cop. Do you understand? (Hang up the phone more angrier.)
But the voice sounds like her daughter’s and the mom is not disturbed. She decides to go to the elementary school to see her daughter. The mom got there…
Mom: Eliza~
Eliza: Mom~ why you are here? Are you missing me? Do you come here to pick me up?
Mom: Ya~ are you happy in the school? Let’s go home. I want to tell you something on the way home.
Mom tells Eliza about the phone scam and wants her to be careful from now on.
SCENE II英語劇本大全ww.coffbar.com
Because the mother didn’t believe the two gangsters really kidnapped her kid, the gangsters were furious. So they decided to kidnap her daughter this time.
The gangsters have found the school her daughter studies in, and observed for many days. Today is the day they plan to kidnap the child.
The big gangster always focuses on what he’s doing but the small gangster is usually absent-minded.
Big gangster: Hey! Concentrate!! (The big gangster hit the small gangster’s head)
Small gangster: Ouch! O.K. O.K.
At this moment, the girl appears.
Small gangster: (Check the picture.) Hey!! Buddy!! Look! Is that her?
Big gangster: Ha! Ha! Ha! It’s hunting time.
Small gangster: I’m so excited!! Oh~ what a beautiful girl. Just like a fairy. My sweetheart… Buddy do you know? I feel that I get butterflies in my stomach!
Big gangster: (Hitting the small gangster’s head again.) Hey! Wake up!! Stop day-dreaming. Let’s make a move!
Small gangster: Oh~ my baby~ I’m coming!!
Big gangster: Hey!! Lady!! Can you do me a favor?
Eliza: Sure! What can I do for you?
Small gangster: (Murmuring) This beautiful lady has a beautiful heart.
Big gangster: Sorry. Ignore what he said.
Eliza: Never mind!
Big gangster: Thanks! I want to go to Tunghai University. Do you know how can I get there?
Eliza: Oh… you should go straight until the traffic light, then turn right until you see a convenience store at the corner and turn left. Keep going straight and you would see the university.
Big gangster: Go straight until the first traffic light, turn right and we will see a supermarket at the end of the street. And…
Eliza: No! No! No! Go straight until the traffic light, then turn right until you see a convenience store at the corner and turn left. Keep going straight and you would see the university.
Small gangster: Go straight until the first traffic light, then turn left and go straight to the end of the street, then we can see the university.
Eliza: Oh, my! No! Wrong again! You two are really a stupid guy.
Big gangster: It’s too complex. I can’t remember all the directions. I’m a foreigner. And I have an important presentation there. Could you go with us, guide us there? Please~
Eliza was confused. But she is a kind person and she likes to help people.
Eliza: Umm… let me think… okay!! Let’s go!
Small gangster: How kind of you!! My little girl.
Big gangster: Sorry. Just ignore him. Thank for your help.
Eliza goes with the gangsters.
In the gangsters’ car, the small gangster suddenly shows a sharp knife. And shouts, “Don’t move!” Eliza is shocked and starts screaming.
Eliza: What are you doing?
Small gangster: I’m kidnapping you!
Eliza: Oh~ I am so scared.
Small gangster: (Talk to the big gangster.) Did you hear that, she is scared?
Big gangster: Ya~ we are professional.
Eliza: Not funny! I’m hungry. I want to go home! I want to go home!
Small gangster: Shut up. Don’t be so noisy!
Eliza keeps crying.
Small gangster: You! Get out of the car!
Big gangster: (Hit the small gangster angrily!) Idiot! I have a stupid partner. (Disappointed)
Eliza: I agree! (Nod head.)
Big gangster: Don’t cry baby, I give you a lollipop.
Eliza: Thank you. How kind of you.
SCENE III
Mother is preparing dinner.
Mom: Eliza! Eliza! Time for dinner! I’m hungry! Hurry up!
No one answers her. And she realizes there is something wrong.
Mom: Eliza, where are you? Don’t play hide and seek with me! It’s not funny. I’m hungry.
As the mother is finding her daughter, the phone rings.
Mom: Hello~ this is Anderson. I’m busy finding my daughter. Don’t bother me!
Big gangster: Are you finding your daughter? Ha! Ha! Ha… she is right here.
Mom: Good job! Tell her it’s time for dinner. I’m hungry!
Big gangster: Hey! You are clueless. I have already kidnapped your daughter, Eliza Anderson!
Mom: Hey! Buddy! Don’t trick me!
Big gangster: Sure! Listen! (The gangster takes the phone to Eliza.)
Eliza: Hello! Mom! I’m here! They are so kind. They gave me a lollipop.
The gangster takes the phone away.
Big gangster: Do you believe me now? If you want your daughter to come back for dinner. You have to prepare the ransom of NT $ 20,000,000.
Mom: Too expensive! 20% off.
Big gangster: Are you buying clothes?
Mom: Bargain is my hobby.
Big gangster: No negotiation you should bring the ransom to Tunghai Lake at 8:00 pm. And remember don’t call the cop. Or you will find your daughter in the lake.
Mom: O.K. See you then!
At Tunghai Lake. The gangsters and Eliza are baking fish from the lake because they are hungry. At this time, the mother is coming.
Mom: Ha! (Mom shouts.)
The gangsters and Eliza are shocked. And the small gangster’s fish is falling down on the floor.
Small gangster: Oh,! My fish! Who’s there?
Mom: It’s me, Bunny Anderson, Eliza’s mother, Anderson’s wife. Where is my daughter? Release my daughter.
Eliza: Hi! Mom, I’m here. Do you want to come here to eat fish?
Big gangster: Where is the ransom?
Mom: Release my daughter first!
Big gangster: Give me the ransom first!
Mom: No way!
And the battle begins.
Mom: Justice is always the winner.
Eliza: Oh~ Yeah! Mom, you win!
Celine: Ha! I got it! I got it! A new…… headline.
Celine: I am at Tunghai Lake. Earlier, there was a violent fighting. A watermelon knife V.S. A B.B.Q. fork. According to the witnesses, a mother fought with the gangsters for her daughter. And the mother won. Now, let’s interview the persons involved.
Celine: Do you feel regretful? Do you feel sorry to this society?
Small gangster: I……
Celine: I…… I know. You are very sorry and regretful. How about you? (Turn to the big gangster.)
Big gangster: None of your business. (Run to the wall.) Leave me alone.
Eliza: Me! Me!
Celine: What do you want to say?
Eliza: Uh…My mom is so cool. She came to save me!
Mom: My turn. My turn.
Celine: O.K. O.K. What do you want to say after winning the fight?
Mom: Well……
Celine: Well, you are very happy and proud of yourself to be the winner in the battle.
Mom: Yes. And the gangsters…
Celine: Oh, the gangsters are very stupid and silly.
Mom: Right. And they…
Celine: They want to trick you, but…
Mom: But… enough. I’m hungry. I want to go home with my daughter.
Celine: Next time, if you receive a phone call from a scam artist, here are the things you can do to avoid being tricked. First, stay clam and be skeptical about it. The caller hopes to fool you with a moving story, causing you to forget your good judgment. A little doubt can protect you. Second, verify the story. Call the organization to make sure the story is true. Third, report it to the police. And don’t deal with the villains on your own. One phone call will often expose a trap quickly. However, to tell the truth, the mother is really very brave. She is my idol. I want to keep her sign. This is reporter Celine reporting from Tunghia Lake for TVAS.
英語的笑話14
Two Birds 兩只鳥
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一只是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎?
學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老師：請說說看。
學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。
經典英語小笑話：這有多嬌生慣養(yǎng)啊
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled(被寵壞的) . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(亂發(fā)脾氣) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?
Cry? John asked. No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!
六歲的約翰嬌生慣養(yǎng)。他的.父親知道這一點，可他的祖父母仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是鬧。他第一天上學才離開祖母的懷抱。
約翰放學了，他奶奶在門口接他并問道：學校怎么樣?你過的好嗎?哭了沒有?
哭?約翰問，不，我沒哭，可老師哭了。
英語的笑話15
A Smart Parrot
聰明的鸚鵡
A curious guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings1. "Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German," replies the shop keeper.
有個人去寵物店買鸚鵡。在那里，他看見有只鸚鵡的'左腿被紅線系住，右腿則被綠線系住。對此他感到不解，于是他問該店的老板，老板回答說：“這只鸚鵡受過特殊的訓練。如果拉紅線，它就講法語，拉綠線，它則講德語�！�
"And what happens if I pull both the strings?" our curious shopper inquires.
這個好奇的人接著問，“要是我兩條線都拉，會怎么樣呢?”
"I fall off my perch2 you fool!!" screeches3 the parrot.
“我就會掉下來了，你這個傻瓜!!”鸚鵡尖叫著說。
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